Journal Entry: The Truth Of Friendship!
They say life falls into place when you know what you want. I had my fair share of ups and downs, but I overcame them. But I didn’t think they would get mad when I decided to give up on some of them or better yet some would listen to little birdies and believe them and make me feel like I was some type of creeper or should I say a stalker, or should I say be put the blame. I can’t stop them from creating these images in their minds, but I hope they can overcome it, and please leave me alone, if you can’t talk to me, then don’t talk against me and send your friends to do your dirty work. Will there ever be any common ground between us or is the war going to escalate even further? I have always been the type of person who never judges and always talks to people. I have always been a social butterfly.
Just when I thought I had a friend, it turns out he was a horn dog like every other male. Always writing to me, like 50 times an hour and when I didn't respond, I got another message saying, you don't like me. When I had to constantly have to repeat myself that I only wanted to be friends, it didn't do me any good, except for the fact that I was getting contact headaches from all the bull he was putting me through. He was the one that was seeing me dick pictures of his penis, playing with it, showing that he can cum. Just nasty pictures. He got mad because I didn't like it, it wasn't just the dick pics, it was the fact that his daughter was his profile pic, it was disturbing to see that. I know that there is a man out there that does it, but sometimes I wonder if the man that deleted me on Facebook is the one who does that. Usually, when I get a gut feeling, I'm right. But I didn't think that someone that I knew would be so disgusting, but he turned around and said that I was asking for it, but that was not true. I am going, to be honest, I had men send me dick pics from time to time, but when I told them to stop, they did, but this one got upset when I told him that I didn’t like it. I'm sorry, but I am not that type of girl. If you want my attention that is not the way to do it. I know I lost some friends because of all this, but to be honest, it's fine, eventually, everyone is going to learn the truth and all I have to say is that, keep walking.
The saying goes who needs friends when they are going to act like that?'' I have dealt with friends like that in the past and I simply walk away and they simply turn a lot of people against me. To be honest, I didn’t care, if people want to believe people like that, you know what they believe them and never speak to me again. Simply leave me alone and forget you ever knew me or better yet make sure that I have never existed in your life. I try to be friends with a lot of people but sometimes I wonder if they were ever friends with me, especially when they do the things they do to me. What is the term friend? Can’t someone tell me without looking it up? No definition, just their own words.
I also thought I was friends with someone, but it turns out I wasn’t. This person only spoke to me when it was convenient for them, otherwise, I didn’t hear from them at all. The lesson to be told is that people only talk to you because you have something to offer or they want something, otherwise, they don't to you at all. It's probably why I deleted them and to be honest, I am not done, there are more cleanouts to come. But getting back to the friend, I didn’t mean to hurt them if I did. I didn’t know that I would end up creating a war for myself with this person. To be honest, why is the war even created? What were the terms? Who is winning? Why are you lying about me to make yourself feel better, I understand why the other guy is doing it, but why are you? You are so much better than he is. I am going, to be honest with myself, I can’t even write this, with tears coming down. If you heard that I like you, then why get creeped out? Why make it such a bad thing? Then I looked in the mirror and then I realized that it was me. I learned a long time ago to never like anyone, to never tell anyone if I did. To be honest, this person never gave me a reason to like them. One thing I like to know did I hurt this person. Did I do something to make this person hate me? Did I not give them enough attention that they never gave me? Why should it always be them, when it should be both? Some questions need answers, but I know I will never ask them and this person knows they will never get theirs because they are too chicken to even ask me, instead they have to send their friends to do their dirty work.
I try to be civil with this person. I even try to confront this person, but all I got was ignored or this person likes to claim that I am creating fake profiles just to talk to them. I know that is not true. I don’t know where this person got their information, I just think that it is time to fess up to what they know. I did try to apologize for whatever I did. I was always told by someone that you can only apologize to someone so many times. There one thing that I don’t understand is that since you have a lot to say to your friends about me, then why can’t you talk to me? Someone once told me to always confront my problems. Even if they bother you just a little. Sometimes I wonder if writing this article would bring peace or bring on the war some more. The one disturbing problem that I have with this whole mess is why even send your friends to threaten me when it should have been you. I think I never had anyone threaten me that way. Sometimes I think we pick and choose our battles. Everyone has their chosen battlefield and I think it is me. Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake. Did I make a mistake? Did I make a mistake by not telling you how I felt, how can I say anything when you got creeped out? Why did you? I'm sorry that I made you hate me. I'm sorry that I made you feel the way you do. Just the other day, I learned from someone that it bothers them if someone dislikes them. To be honest, I don’t care, you can win some or lose some. I prefer to lose some, I guess. You can win the hearts of others but are you winning just by being yourself or are you in disguise trying to be something you are not? I prefer to just be myself, if people don’t like me, well then, you are missing out on the laughter and the fun you could have. But it's fine, I am not one of those who going to beg for someone's attention. All that this was, was just a nightmare, that I can finally breathe from.
As the closing point of all this, I learned a long time ago to just go with it and say goodbye. As for my goodbye. Goodbye.
